Every Secret Thing

Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 (NKJV)
Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man's all. For God will bring every work into judgment, including every secret thing, whether good or evil.

I grew up thinking I was a Christian. When I was 12, I said a prayer and asked Jesus in my heart, and I believed that saved me. I was trusting my eternity on that prayer. I called myself a Christian and fully believed I was one.

But.......verses like the one listed above scared me. The thought of God knowing secret things and one day having that exposed to the world terrified me. I knew what went on in my head. I knew my thoughts and what evil I was capable of. I literally lived in fear of judgment day, but I didn't understand why.

I was trusting in my own goodness to save me and not what Jesus did for me on the cross. And if I really allowed myself to ponder it (which I rarely allowed myself to do), I knew I had no goodness in me, and someday everyone would know that. I had never humbled myself before God, asked for forgiveness of my sins, and put my trust in Christ alone for my salvation. So, fear was my constant companion, and I had no peace.

About six years ago, God brought me to my knees before Him in humility. He showed me my sin and how I had wronged Him, and that's when I understood why Jesus died on a cross. He took the punishment for my sins, so I could be reconciled to God. Jesus lived a sinless life (which I could not do) and died as the perfect sacrifice for my sins. He then defeated death and rose from the grave three days later.

In brokenness, I repented of my sins and trusted Christ for my salvation.

Now I can read verses like Ecclesiastes 12:13-14 and fear God with reverence and knowledge of His holiness and righteousness and not out of selfish fear of exposure.