Sunday, March 17, 2024

Cancer Musings (Chemo day-Taxol #5)

Today was my 5th chemo session with Taxol. 5 down 7 to go. I'm happy to report it was pretty uneventful as chemo days go. I didn't have to meet with a provider today, and that shaved about an hour off the time. No reactions. I was able to take less pre-med steroids, so that made it a little more comfortable and allowed me to sleep a little more the night before. I also ate more food this week, including protein, than I've eaten for several weeks, so I felt a little stronger going into it. I am grateful to God for the good day.  

When I first thought about doing the process of chemo, I knew nothing about it, but I knew it was a big chunk of time sitting in a room. I thought," I'll bring my computer and do a little writing or catch up on emails". A few people gave me puzzle books to do to pass the time. Two things I have learned since those early naïve days: 1. Everyone's journey with cancer is different, and everyone's treatment plan is a little different even if you have the exact same diagnosis as someone else. 2. There's not a lot of free time during the chemo process (at least not in my story). 

For me, there's always nurses coming in and out of the room, monitoring me, asking questions, manually infusing a drug into me with a syringe for several minutes at a time. With both drugs, I've needed to put ice chips in my mouth continually during the infusions to prevent mouth sores. And with this latest drug, I wear ice packs on my  hands and feet for a little over an hour (to prevent neuropathy), so doing something with my hands is ruled out. It's a little more like working a part-time job than an opportunity to kill time. Mostly, I just watch Food Network. We don't have Food Network at home, so I do enjoy that opportunity. I love to cook, and I enjoy learning new information about cooking. Even during this time when I can't eat much (or cook much either) it doesn't bother me to watch other people eat (or cook). 

The chemo process is much more difficult than I thought it would be, but God is sustaining me through it. He is providing me with so much kindness along the way directly from His hand and through other people. He is also increasing my compassion for others. In the future, when someone tells me they have been diagnosed with cancer and they will have to start chemo, my prayers will be different and my actions will be different following that statement. I will be more engaged. 

I've included a few pictures below from today's treatment. 







Sunday, March 10, 2024

Cancer Musings (Church)

Today I was able to go to church, and it was so sweet to be with God's people and the church congregation that I love. I have missed being at church during this cancer journey. I started out this journey thinking I would be able to do everything the same way I was already doing it. I came to the quick realization that it was not the case. All my energy is given to getting through the week. I work a full-time job during the week. I go to bed pretty early every night. And I go to chemo and manage side effects with the time and energy that isn't given to the first two things. By the time I get to the weekend, I'm spent. I sleep a lot on the weekends. I've learned, at the most, I can manage one activity on the weekend that involves leaving the house. Sometimes it's a trip to a store (though mostly the men of the house are running all the errands for me) or maybe a trip to a restaurant if it's a good eating day for me. It takes a lot of energy for me to walk around right now or to stand for any length of time. 

Last Sunday, I got up and got ready for church. I really wanted to be there. It had been several weeks since I had been there. By the time I got dressed and made my way toward the door, I had to sit in the living room and rest for several minutes. At that point, I burst into tears because I knew I couldn't do it. Papa-Larry recognized what was happening and patted my hand and said, "This isn't going to last forever. Now, why don't you go take off your wig and put your hat back on, and you can watch it online." So, that's what I did. (Side note: Wearing a wig is exhausting, not glamorous). 

This weekend, I made up my mind to spend Saturday at home and rest up for the next day, so I could go to church. By the grace of God, I was able to do just that. This time I skipped the wig and went straight on two-pom-pom winter hat. (Who I am kidding anyway, they already know I don't have any hair right now). 

I'm grateful to God that our church has the option to watch the service online, and many Sundays I utilize that option, but it is no substitute for being in God's house with God's people. I couldn't stand for very long and singing exhausted me more than I thought it would, but I didn't let that stop me because it was so good to be there. I'm thankful to God for the opportunity He gave me to be there today. It was lovely.

Tuesday, March 5, 2024

Cancer Musings (Chemo Day-Taxol #4)

Today was chemo day and my fourth round of Taxol. I met with the oncologist this time around. Since I've been tolerating the infusions without reaction now, she's going to lessen the amount of pre-meds I take beforehand. That is a relief because every extra med brings it's own unique side effects. The less of those the better. 

Today's appointment was changed to Tuesday instead of Wednesday so I could meet with the oncologist. This made things slightly complicated for my work schedule, as I run a virtual meeting every Tuesday that is hard to reschedule and hard to delegate. I had very early morning appointments this time around.  By the grace of God, I met with the oncologist, had labs drawn, sat through the infusion and ice packs routine, and was able to get home with 15 minutes to spare before the meeting started. 

Working full time while going through the chemo process has been a challenge, but God is sustaining me through it. Some days I go into the office and some days I work from home if the schedule allows it. But, all of the days I feel the effect of it on my body and mind, and I pray through the whole day for strength and grace. 

Greg has been a constant companion and help to me with my appointments, and I thank God for him. As usual, I posted a picture below of the two of us at today's appointment. 




Wednesday, February 28, 2024

Cancer Musings (Chemo Day-Taxol #3)

Today was chemo day and my third round of the Taxol. With a lot of pre-meds, I'm able to continue to tolerate the Taxol infusion over one hour instead of two. It was pretty uneventful this time around, just the way we like it. 

The side effects are definitely lighter on this drug than the last one, but they are ever changing. Eating continues to an issue for me. With this drug, I can't taste much, and I can't smell anything, and my appetite is down. I can get the food down; I just don't enjoy it. But that's progress nonetheless, and I'll take it. 

One change in today's treatment is that it was my first appointment without Greg in attendance, as he had to go out of town for work this week. Usually Greg travels a lot more this time of year, so we're grateful to God he has been able to attend all of the appointments up to this point. Papa-Larry took Greg's place as my chemo partner (and driver) this week. We trained him in on ice pack duty and he handled it like a pro. 



Side Note: It's a pretty big cooler we haul back and forth to treatments each week. We bring extra ice packs in case the infusion time ends up going longer than expected and we have to switch them out. I always joke with Greg that people probably think he's carrying an organ transplant in his cooler. I have noticed some suspicious on lookers in the elevator.  


Tuesday, February 27, 2024

Cancer Musings (You Got This)

I have mentioned here before that God sends me a continuous stream of family, friends, church family, coworkers, and even strangers to encourage me along this cancer journey. I'm continually amazed at how each encouraging word, card, meal, hug, story, etc. comes at just the right time and in just the right way. I take it all as encouragement with the heart in which it was intended I'm grateful for it, and it's very helpful to me.

The comment I probably hear the most is "You got this!" Again, I understand the sentiment behind this comment, and I am extremely appreciative of it. But, I will say this, if cancer has taught me anything it is that I do not have this. I have never been so aware of my fragility or of the fact that I do not sustain my own life. I can barely walk the length of the kitchen floor (not a big kitchen) without sitting down to rest. When I get dressed in the morning, I put on my pants and then I have to lay on the bed for a few minutes to rest before I can put on anything else. That process continues with each article of clothing I put on. I fear leaving something in my car when I get to work because I don't think I'll have the energy to walk back out and get it. These are all things I did effortlessly just a couple months ago and never gave it a second thought. 

I do not have this, but God does. He faithfully reminds me of this in all the encouraging people he puts in my path, in the many times he gets me through a day when I don't think I'm going to make it, and in bringing Scripture to my mind that reminds me of this truth. A Scripture passage that I memorized shortly after my parents moved in with us while we were caregiving for my mom has come back to me in this current journey. I used to wake up in the middle of the night during those days anxious about the future. When that happened, I would quote these Bible verses to myself over and over until the anxiety went away or I fell asleep."  You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the LORD forever for the LORD God is an everlasting rock". Isaiah 26:3-4

God has this, and he can be trusted. 

Wednesday, February 21, 2024

Cancer Musings (Chemo Appt-Part 2)

I had the chemo appointment this morning, and the Taxol infusion was done. They had given me some oral pre-meds to take and they infused some oral pre-meds plus extra Benadryl before the Taxol. Because of this, I was able to tolerate the infusion over the one-hour period of time instead of two hours. And they feel I'll be able to do this in the future now. This is an answer to prayers. It's difficult for me to sit with ice on my hands and feet for two hours, plus put ice chips in my mouth the whole time. I get so cold, even though they provide me with warm blankets. One hour was still very cold for me today but much more tolerable. Thank you for all your prayers. 

Since I didn't have any extra appointments today, we arrived for the infusion at 8:00 am and walked out at 10:30, the shortest appointment I've had to date. Praise be to God!

Two down, ten more to go (but who's counting?) So far, the side effects on this new drug have been tolerable, and I've regained some of my appetite and taste. Every day is a new day and this something that builds on itself, but I'm so grateful to God for the easier days and the lighter side effects while they are here. Here is go good to provide me with not just bad days but the good days as well. 

I've included a couple pictures from today's appointment below. 







Tuesday, February 20, 2024

Cancer Musings (Chemo Appt-Part 1)

Today was to be the second infusion of Taxol, but alas due to another scheduling issue, I did not receive the Taxol today. The appointments were scheduled for the afternoon this time around, so I went to work in the morning because I was leading a meeting and needed to be there if it all passible. I was called this morning at work and told I could keep the appointments today for the lab work and the appointment with my oncology provider but because of the reaction to the Taxol last week and the need to infuse that drug over two hours instead of one hour (three hours altogether with the pre-meds they infuse beforehand), my infusion appointment was starting too late in the day and there would not be enough time to infuse it properly. They rescheduled my infusion appointment to tomorrow morning at 8:00 am. I was disappointed as this is a lot of maneuvering of work schedules (mine and Greg's) and expenditure of extra energy that is in short supply these days. The oncology team and the infusion team have been amazing through this whole journey, but the scheduling process continues to be a work in progress. 

I was able to have the labs and oncology appointment today, which went well and will make for a shorter day tomorrow barring any unforeseen reactions or complications.

We still took our customary appointment picture today as seen below. Stay tuned for tomorrow's report.




Today was my 5th chemo session with Taxol. 5 down 7 to go. I'm happy to report it was pretty uneventful as chemo days go. I didn't h...