Cancer Musings (The Longest Day)

As I was preparing to start the process for ongoing chemotherapy, my oncologist advised me that I should take the first three days off of work (the day of chemo and the following two days) because those first few days could be rough and I could be very tired. That is what I did. My first chemo session was on a Wednesday, so I took Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday off that week plus I would have the weekend to continue recuperation. Other than a few small and manageable side effects from the anti-nausea drugs and steroid I was on following the the chemo, I felt pretty good. I was eating well. I was sleeping well, and I had energy to tackle a few projects. I was even having moments of feeling like I was playing hooky from work because I felt okay. Those feelings continued through the weekend and I went into Monday morning feeling ready to tackle the new work week. Part way through the day, however, I started to experience a taste of metal in my mouth that overpowered anything I ate. It affected my smell as well. Everything tasted and smelled horrible. 

Which brings me to Tuesday morning. Tuesday was a big meeting day for me at work. We had some manager training offsite in the early morning. Then we returned to the workplace to continue our internal meetings. At that next meeting I was leading the agenda and discussion on it. I had even suggested and organized a salad potluck lunch for us since we would be in meetings most of the day. The following night I had made an apple crisp to bring to the meeting. I had to force myself through that process. The apples tasted horrible to me. The smell of it baking was horrible to me. I made my husband taste test it in the morning so I could have a little peace of mind that I was not bringing something disgusting with me to share with a large group of people. He assured me it tasted good. The only thing I could eat without it producing a horrible taste was oatmeal. I ate nothing at the potluck meal because I just couldn't. I drank water, a lot of water, and I thankfully I could do that without issue. 

Besides the issue of not being able to eat, my concentration was affected by the side effects of chemo. I had to work three times as hard as usual to concentrate, to process the information that was being said to me, and to perform tasks that required even the smallest amount of skill. That day, by far, felt like the longest work day of my life. I felt every second of it and had to exert extreme effort for every second of it. 

Two things got me through that day and they are: 1. Prayer 2. The kindness of my coworkers. 

I prayed all the way through that day. I prayed that God would help me concentrate and process information. I prayed that I would have the strength to finish the day. Too many are the prayers I prayed that day to recount here. And, as always, God was faithful and answered my prayers along the way. I felt a definite understanding throughout that day of what the Psalmist said in Psalm 46:1. "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." 

I also experienced so much kindness and compassion from my coworkers that day. Most of them knew that I had my first chemo session the week before, and they were empathetic. I was so grateful God has given me such a beautiful group of people to work with and alongside. 

By the grace of God, I made it through the day.