Cancer Musings (Church)

Today I was able to go to church, and it was so sweet to be with God's people and the church congregation that I love. I have missed being at church during this cancer journey. I started out this journey thinking I would be able to do everything the same way I was already doing it. I came to the quick realization that it was not the case. All my energy is given to getting through the week. I work a full-time job during the week. I go to bed pretty early every night. And I go to chemo and manage side effects with the time and energy that isn't given to the first two things. By the time I get to the weekend, I'm spent. I sleep a lot on the weekends. I've learned, at the most, I can manage one activity on the weekend that involves leaving the house. Sometimes it's a trip to a store (though mostly the men of the house are running all the errands for me) or maybe a trip to a restaurant if it's a good eating day for me. It takes a lot of energy for me to walk around right now or to stand for any length of time. 

Last Sunday, I got up and got ready for church. I really wanted to be there. It had been several weeks since I had been there. By the time I got dressed and made my way toward the door, I had to sit in the living room and rest for several minutes. At that point, I burst into tears because I knew I couldn't do it. Papa-Larry recognized what was happening and patted my hand and said, "This isn't going to last forever. Now, why don't you go take off your wig and put your hat back on, and you can watch it online." So, that's what I did. (Side note: Wearing a wig is exhausting, not glamorous). 

This weekend, I made up my mind to spend Saturday at home and rest up for the next day, so I could go to church. By the grace of God, I was able to do just that. This time I skipped the wig and went straight on two-pom-pom winter hat. (Who I am kidding anyway, they already know I don't have any hair right now). 

I'm grateful to God that our church has the option to watch the service online, and many Sundays I utilize that option, but it is no substitute for being in God's house with God's people. I couldn't stand for very long and singing exhausted me more than I thought it would, but I didn't let that stop me because it was so good to be there. I'm thankful to God for the opportunity He gave me to be there today. It was lovely.