When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I felt like I was on a runaway train that I couldn't get off from. And I kept saying that over and over. The "train" was set in motion, and I couldn't stop it. There were so many phone calls and appointments and decisions. There was no break from it. That feeling hasn't changed that much since the beginning of the process, but I have learned to roll with it and embrace it as time has gone on.
I started to use the "train" as an out of the ordinary way to journal the process. I cut out little paper train cars and wrote down the different appointments, treatments, side effects, etc. that have come with the cancer experience. I don't want to forget what has happened along the way. I want to remember it and use it to fuel compassion for others I encounter along the way and in the future.
I posted the train on the wall next my favorite chair in our bedroom, so I can see it and be reminded.
It didn't take long and I made a second train. The first one I call the "Cancer Train", and the second one I call the "Gratitude Train". On the gratitude train cars I'm writing down all the kind things God has done through people and answered prayer since this journey began (cards in the mail, meals delivered to our door, encouraging conversations, etc.) It keeps things in perspective for me.
It's a work in progress, and my prayer is that in the end the Gratitude Train is far longer than the Cancer Train.
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