In the past couple weeks, I've really seen my Mom's cognition change. It's much harder for her to form full sentences. She's having a hard time remembering what she did earlier in the day or even 5 minutes ago. I find it very hard to watch. I try to keep it together while I'm with her, and then I start crying when I leave her sight. Even things she's always known and been adamant about are not that important to her. We don't think she has a bladder infection right now, so it's hard to know if this is a downward spiral into dementia or an illness in her body that we need to have checked out. I find the mystery of aging to be the hardest part. You're in charge of the care of someone else's body, but you can't feel what they feel, and they can't communicate exactly what they feel either. Aging doesn't get better, it only declines.
Lately, I find myself missing both my parents when I'm gone, wishing I was here, but also dreading being home again because I want it to be better. I feel helpless.
I'm constantly counseling my mind to trust in God. I'm so grateful He knows what I do not know, and He will take care of us.
O LORD, my heart is not lifted up
My eyes are not raised too high
I do not occupy myself with things to great and too marvelous for me
but I have calmed and quieted my soul like a weaned child with its mother
Like a weaned child is my soul within me
[O Israel] hope in the LORD from this time forth and forevermore.
Psalm 131
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