Tonight I was able to return to the mall on an actual Friday night. It's a completely different atmosphere on a Friday than a Wednesday. There were a lot of young people at the mall tonight--just hanging out. God was gracious to me in this because I have a heart for the young people, and I find them easy to approach. I gave out a lot of gospel tracts and had a short conversation with a young man I passed many, many times on my trips around the mall handing out tracts. Please pray for him that he responds to the gospel in repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.
Before walking around and passing out gospel tracts, I sat on my usual bench for about 45 minutes with the wooden cross sitting next to me. I got a few comments this time but no questions yet. I did witness at least two people walk by and ask the person next to them, "Are you ready?" May God use it to prompt hearts and save souls.......and produce obedience in his servant.
If you are on this blog tonight because you received a gospel tract from me, please check out the "My Favorite Links" at the right-hand side of the blog.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
Cookie Baking Night--My Thoughts
Tonight is Monday night, but a non-Cookie Baking Night. I thought I would take this opportunity to explain the Cookie Baking Nights a little further, how it began, and what I try to accomplish with it.
- Cookie Baking Night is the name I've given to the Monday night I spend with my nieces and nephews every other week. They come over at 5:00. We eat supper together. After supper we bake cookies (or brownies or bars, some kind of cooking project). After the cooking project we usually read a Bible story. We're currently working through the book Leading Little Ones to God by Marian Schoolland. It is a great book of systematic theology for children. I wish I knew about it years ago. The children are getting old enough now that they can read the Bible passage that accompanies the stories. They take turns doing this. After reading the Bible, we spend the rest of the evening in picture coloring, game playing, and the occasional movie. The kids are picked up at 8:00 pm.
- Cookie Baking Night began roughly 7 years ago. My now 9-year-old niece, Emily, was 2-1/2 at the time. Her sister, Meghan, was 7 at the time. I started out just having the girls over. Later that grew into inviting Joe (Meghan and Emily's older brother--all my middle brother's children) to join us. In hindsight, I wish I would have included Joe sooner. I have another niece, Kylie (my younger brother's daughter), who lives with her mother in Cottage Grove (about a 60+ minute drive from us). When she's able, she joins us as well. With a little Cookie Baking Night experience under my belt, I decided the appropriate age to start attending these events would be 3 years old. When our nephew, Ethan (Greg's sister's oldest boy) turned 3, he joined us for Cookie Baking Night. And his sister, Carissa, followed behind him a couple years later, when she turned 3.
- My intent with Cookie Baking Night is to establish relationships with these young people in my life, relationships that will continue throughout their adult years. My focus is the gospel. I want them to have the opportunity to hear it (often) and understand it.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Frightening Friday 1/22/10
Tonight I'm spending the evening with my young friends from church, Abigail, Samuel, and Isaiah. Knowing this would be the case, I went to the mall on Wednesday night this week.
I continued my evangelism efforts with the cross Greg made for me. I sat on the bench for half an hour and read my Bible, looking up to make eye contact as people walked by. I received a few dirty looks, a few smiles, a few whispered conversations as soon as I was out of supposed earshot, and a lot of averting the eyes when I made eye contact. No questions yet, but I'm still hopeful. I was also able to hand out a few tracts as I walked around the mall. I pray God will use my feeble efforts to convict hearts and save souls.
P.S. Greg says if I'm not getting spit at, I'm probably not doing it right. Could be. I'm kind of hoping for an actual question or comment before any spitting starts.
I continued my evangelism efforts with the cross Greg made for me. I sat on the bench for half an hour and read my Bible, looking up to make eye contact as people walked by. I received a few dirty looks, a few smiles, a few whispered conversations as soon as I was out of supposed earshot, and a lot of averting the eyes when I made eye contact. No questions yet, but I'm still hopeful. I was also able to hand out a few tracts as I walked around the mall. I pray God will use my feeble efforts to convict hearts and save souls.
P.S. Greg says if I'm not getting spit at, I'm probably not doing it right. Could be. I'm kind of hoping for an actual question or comment before any spitting starts.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Feed the Starving Teenagers 1/19/10
As I've mentioned before, I have my own ministry with my teenage niece and nephew and a few other kids in my life. I choose a book and give it to them. They read it. If they make an effort to get together with me and we discuss the book, there is a monetary reward involved. I've read two books with my niece, Meghan, and two books with my nephew, Joe, so far.
Joe is 17. The last book we read together (about a month ago) was Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand (founder of the Voice of the Martyrs ministry). When we discussed the book together, Joe marveled at some of the stories told within the book. Here's some background on the book. It was written in 1976, shortly after Richard Wurmbrand (a pastor in Romania) was released from his second imprisonment (for preaching the gospel) during the communists' rule in Romania (he was imprisoned a total of 15 years).
The following story stood out to Joe in particular (pages 17-18):
Richard Wurbrand speaking: "For me, to preach to the Russians is heaven on earth. I have preached the gospel to men of many nations, but I have never seen a people drink in the gospel like the Russians. They have such thirsty souls.
An Orthodox priest, a friend of mine, telephoned me and told me that a Russian officer had come to him to confess. My friend did not know Russian. However, knowing that I speak Russian, he had given him my address. The next day this man came to see me. He longed for God, but he had never seen a Bible. He had no religious education and never attended religious services (churches in Russia then were very scarce). He loved God without the slightest knowledge of Him.
I read to him the Sermon on the Mount and the parables of Jesus. After hearing them, he danced around the room in rapturous joy proclaiming, 'What a wonderful beauty! How could I live without knowing this Christ!' It was the first time that I saw someone so joyful in Christ.
Then I made a mistake. I read to him the passion and crucifixion of Christ, without having prepared him for this. He had not expected it, and when he heard how Christ was beaten, how He was crucified and that in the end He died, he fell into an armchair and began to weep bitterly. He had believed in a Savior and now his Savior was dead!
I looked at him and was ashamed. I had called myself a Christian, a pastor, and a teacher of others, but I had never shared the sufferings of Christ as this Russian officer now shared them. Looking at him, it was like seeing Mary Magdalene weeping at the foot of the cross, faithfully weeping when Jesus was a corpse in the tomb.
Then I read to him the story of the resurrection and watched his expression change. He had not known that his Savior arose from the tomb. When he heard this wonderful news, he beat his knees and swore using profanity (this was his crude manner of speech). Again he rejoiced, shouting for joy, 'He is alive! He is alive!' He danced around the room once more, overwhelmed with happiness!"
Again, Joe marveled at the emotion expressed when hearing about the life of Jesus Christ and what it was like for someone to hear it for the first time. He was convicted by it.
I was convicted by the power of reading Scripture. The Bible is a supernatural book and speaks for itself.
I highly recommend reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. Joe said he plans to tell everyone he knows about this book (a glowing endorsement, indeed).
You can request a free copy of this book on the Voice of the Martyrs website (http://www.persecution.com/).
Joe is 17. The last book we read together (about a month ago) was Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand (founder of the Voice of the Martyrs ministry). When we discussed the book together, Joe marveled at some of the stories told within the book. Here's some background on the book. It was written in 1976, shortly after Richard Wurmbrand (a pastor in Romania) was released from his second imprisonment (for preaching the gospel) during the communists' rule in Romania (he was imprisoned a total of 15 years).
The following story stood out to Joe in particular (pages 17-18):
Richard Wurbrand speaking: "For me, to preach to the Russians is heaven on earth. I have preached the gospel to men of many nations, but I have never seen a people drink in the gospel like the Russians. They have such thirsty souls.
An Orthodox priest, a friend of mine, telephoned me and told me that a Russian officer had come to him to confess. My friend did not know Russian. However, knowing that I speak Russian, he had given him my address. The next day this man came to see me. He longed for God, but he had never seen a Bible. He had no religious education and never attended religious services (churches in Russia then were very scarce). He loved God without the slightest knowledge of Him.
I read to him the Sermon on the Mount and the parables of Jesus. After hearing them, he danced around the room in rapturous joy proclaiming, 'What a wonderful beauty! How could I live without knowing this Christ!' It was the first time that I saw someone so joyful in Christ.
Then I made a mistake. I read to him the passion and crucifixion of Christ, without having prepared him for this. He had not expected it, and when he heard how Christ was beaten, how He was crucified and that in the end He died, he fell into an armchair and began to weep bitterly. He had believed in a Savior and now his Savior was dead!
I looked at him and was ashamed. I had called myself a Christian, a pastor, and a teacher of others, but I had never shared the sufferings of Christ as this Russian officer now shared them. Looking at him, it was like seeing Mary Magdalene weeping at the foot of the cross, faithfully weeping when Jesus was a corpse in the tomb.
Then I read to him the story of the resurrection and watched his expression change. He had not known that his Savior arose from the tomb. When he heard this wonderful news, he beat his knees and swore using profanity (this was his crude manner of speech). Again he rejoiced, shouting for joy, 'He is alive! He is alive!' He danced around the room once more, overwhelmed with happiness!"
Again, Joe marveled at the emotion expressed when hearing about the life of Jesus Christ and what it was like for someone to hear it for the first time. He was convicted by it.
I was convicted by the power of reading Scripture. The Bible is a supernatural book and speaks for itself.
I highly recommend reading Tortured for Christ by Richard Wurmbrand. Joe said he plans to tell everyone he knows about this book (a glowing endorsement, indeed).
You can request a free copy of this book on the Voice of the Martyrs website (http://www.persecution.com/).
Monday, January 18, 2010
Cookie Baking Night 1/18/10
Tonight was Cookie Baking Night with the nieces and nephews. In attendance: Carissa, Emily, and Ethan.
Ethan turned 7 years old on Saturday. Tonight was his birthday choice.
For supper, he chose macaroni and cheese, french fries, and mixed vegetables.
For supper, he chose macaroni and cheese, french fries, and mixed vegetables.
Cookie of choice: Sugar Cookies.
As you can see by this first picture, the enthusiasm was high this evening.
The most surprising verbal interaction of the evening went like this:
Carissa said: Emily, your hair looks exquisite this evening.
Emily said: Katrina, what does exquisite mean?
Katrina said: Very, very nice.
Emily said: Oh, thank you, Carissa.
Carissa said: Sure.
Friday, January 15, 2010
Frightening Friday 1/15/10
Tonight I am out with a young lady from church getting to know her. I knew I had this planned and wouldn't be able to go to the mall tonight, so I went on Wednesday night instead.
I debated if I wanted to blog about that experience because it really doesn't seem like much to write about. I decided to share it, though.
I set the time aside on Wednesday night. I stopped by the mall to engage people in conversations about the gospel. The feel of the crowd on a Wednesday night is much different than a Friday night--not many people there at all, mostly mall walkers. I spent an hour at the mall, but I never engaged a single person in conversation, never even handed out a tract. I could not summon the courage.
I left discouraged. I left questioning if I should be out there at all. I left wondering if I do this for me or do this for the sake of the gospel. I also left the mall praying to God. I left there aware of my insignificant part in the regeneration of another human being (nothing--only God does that), but the realization of the self-importance I've been putting on it. I left there aware of my need to deny myself. I also left there reminded of my utter dependence upon God for all things. I left there with the awareness of the price that Jesus paid for my sins. I left the mall preaching the gospel to myself.
So, I guess some evangelism was done that night.
I debated if I wanted to blog about that experience because it really doesn't seem like much to write about. I decided to share it, though.
I set the time aside on Wednesday night. I stopped by the mall to engage people in conversations about the gospel. The feel of the crowd on a Wednesday night is much different than a Friday night--not many people there at all, mostly mall walkers. I spent an hour at the mall, but I never engaged a single person in conversation, never even handed out a tract. I could not summon the courage.
I left discouraged. I left questioning if I should be out there at all. I left wondering if I do this for me or do this for the sake of the gospel. I also left the mall praying to God. I left there aware of my insignificant part in the regeneration of another human being (nothing--only God does that), but the realization of the self-importance I've been putting on it. I left there aware of my need to deny myself. I also left there reminded of my utter dependence upon God for all things. I left there with the awareness of the price that Jesus paid for my sins. I left the mall preaching the gospel to myself.
So, I guess some evangelism was done that night.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Everyone is an Evangelist
Everyone is an evangelist.
This thought is not original to me. Have you ever pondered it?
Everyone has a subject they are passionate enough about to try to convert another person to their point of view. I have only my life experience to offer here, but I find this true in every personality across the board. I know rock collecting evangelists, chiropractor evangelists, union organizing evangelists, Weight Watcher evangelists, home schooling evangelists, poker evangelists, facebook evangelists, exercise evangelists, quilting evangelists, Jui-Jitsu evangelists, environmental evangelists, Food Network channel evangelists, scrapbooking evangelists, football evangelists, and the list goes on. We all talk about what we love, and we try to convince others of its greatness.
My friend, Kim, and I were talking about this the other day. She has a passion (albeit an unusual passion but a passion nonetheless) for the disposable shower cap. She buys them at the dollar store (several for a dollar) and uses them to cover leftover food in oddly shaped bowls, plates of cookies, a salad in a fancy glass bowl on its way to a potluck meal, etc. If she meets you at the potluck and you are sporting a plate wrapped in plastic wrap or aluminum foil, she will quickly inquire if you are aware of the glories of the shower cap for food covering purposes. She will then proceed to "evangelize" about the shower cap including its many uses, its affordability, and just where you can purchase the best shower caps. She doesn't need to spend a couple years and establish a relationship with you. She doesn't just model the use of the shower cap and hope that someday you will see what the shower cap has done in her life and then want to have it in your life too. She presents the information about the shower cap with enthusiasm. You can accept it as truth or reject it.
Both Kim and I agree everyone has the ability to evangelize and exercises that ability in some form. It is true some are more gifted in this area than others--not everyone can wax eloquent about the shower cap. But, I don't think anyone can legitimately say, "I'm just not an evangelist. That's not my gift."
I pray for that passion to evangelize about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I pray for a love of the subject (the King of this universe) that spills out of my mouth at every opportunity. I pray for the ability to present the information and let it be accepted as truth or simply rejected. I pray for a passion to evangelize about things of eternal significance.
This thought is not original to me. Have you ever pondered it?
Everyone has a subject they are passionate enough about to try to convert another person to their point of view. I have only my life experience to offer here, but I find this true in every personality across the board. I know rock collecting evangelists, chiropractor evangelists, union organizing evangelists, Weight Watcher evangelists, home schooling evangelists, poker evangelists, facebook evangelists, exercise evangelists, quilting evangelists, Jui-Jitsu evangelists, environmental evangelists, Food Network channel evangelists, scrapbooking evangelists, football evangelists, and the list goes on. We all talk about what we love, and we try to convince others of its greatness.
My friend, Kim, and I were talking about this the other day. She has a passion (albeit an unusual passion but a passion nonetheless) for the disposable shower cap. She buys them at the dollar store (several for a dollar) and uses them to cover leftover food in oddly shaped bowls, plates of cookies, a salad in a fancy glass bowl on its way to a potluck meal, etc. If she meets you at the potluck and you are sporting a plate wrapped in plastic wrap or aluminum foil, she will quickly inquire if you are aware of the glories of the shower cap for food covering purposes. She will then proceed to "evangelize" about the shower cap including its many uses, its affordability, and just where you can purchase the best shower caps. She doesn't need to spend a couple years and establish a relationship with you. She doesn't just model the use of the shower cap and hope that someday you will see what the shower cap has done in her life and then want to have it in your life too. She presents the information about the shower cap with enthusiasm. You can accept it as truth or reject it.
Both Kim and I agree everyone has the ability to evangelize and exercises that ability in some form. It is true some are more gifted in this area than others--not everyone can wax eloquent about the shower cap. But, I don't think anyone can legitimately say, "I'm just not an evangelist. That's not my gift."
I pray for that passion to evangelize about the gospel of Jesus Christ. I pray for a love of the subject (the King of this universe) that spills out of my mouth at every opportunity. I pray for the ability to present the information and let it be accepted as truth or simply rejected. I pray for a passion to evangelize about things of eternal significance.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Happy Birthday, My Friend!
Today my good friend, Kim, is having a birthday. We started a tradition a few years ago in which we take the day off of work (if on a week day) and spend the day together. That is our present to each other. It is a most wonderful time.
Today we will be working out at Kim's gym, talking, getting our nails done, talking, eating lunch at Truffles and Tortes (fun place--so girly, as Kim would say), talking, praying, handing out tracts when the occasion arises (and I know it will), talking, stopping at Caribou for Kim's free birthday drink, talking. We'll start the day at 7:00 am and end it somewhere around 8:00 pm----a most glorious treat for sure.
I cannot explain the joy of spending time with a friend who loves the Lord, and that can definitely be said of my good friend, Kim.
I love you, my friend. Happy Birthday to you!
Today we will be working out at Kim's gym, talking, getting our nails done, talking, eating lunch at Truffles and Tortes (fun place--so girly, as Kim would say), talking, praying, handing out tracts when the occasion arises (and I know it will), talking, stopping at Caribou for Kim's free birthday drink, talking. We'll start the day at 7:00 am and end it somewhere around 8:00 pm----a most glorious treat for sure.
I cannot explain the joy of spending time with a friend who loves the Lord, and that can definitely be said of my good friend, Kim.
I love you, my friend. Happy Birthday to you!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Do You Miss It?
I've mentioned in other posts that I have struggled with sin in the area of TV. There was a time when it would have been right to call it an addiction (or more appropriately, an idol). I haven't watched TV for several years now. I can assure you this is only because God changed my heart in this area (something I marvel at to this day).
Greg and I were having a discussion the other day about the place entertainment/recreation should have in a Christian's life. He asked me this question, "Do you even miss TV?" I think he was expecting a very quick response along the lines of "not at all". I thought about it for a minute and responded this way: I only miss TV when I am wanting to sin and looking for an outlet for it.
TV/recreation/caffeine/food/sports (and a whole boat load of other seemingly innocent things) are not necessarily sins in and of themselves. It is when they are desired above God that they cross that line.
Greg and I were having a discussion the other day about the place entertainment/recreation should have in a Christian's life. He asked me this question, "Do you even miss TV?" I think he was expecting a very quick response along the lines of "not at all". I thought about it for a minute and responded this way: I only miss TV when I am wanting to sin and looking for an outlet for it.
TV/recreation/caffeine/food/sports (and a whole boat load of other seemingly innocent things) are not necessarily sins in and of themselves. It is when they are desired above God that they cross that line.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Frightening Friday 1/08/10
Tonight I returned to Frightening Fridays (the one day a week I have designated for evangelism). With the onset of winter, I have moved indoors. I've been trying to think of ways to engage people in conversation (that is the hardest part for me).
I have recently employed the idea of using a cross in my evangelism efforts (an idea used by other street evangelists such as Tony Miano (http://www.thelawmanchronicles.blogspot.com/) and Paul Latour (http://www.thewordstreetjournal.blogspot.com/). I adapted the idea a bit and asked Greg to make me a wooden cross that would fit next to me on a shopping mall bench. The cross has the words Are You Ready? written on it. I'm seeking to engage people in conversations about eternity with that question.
The picture below was actually taken a few weeks before Christmas when I tried this idea for the first time. Several people stopped to look at the words on the cross (often averting their eyes when they noticed me watching them). No conversations came out of that first night out, though. I did have one guy stop to take my picture (it was Greg--how embarrassing--yet comforting to have my husband take an interest in his wife's attempts at evangelism).
Tonight I hit the mall again with my cross. I challenged myself to sit on the bench for 30 minutes. I had a small pocket New Testament with me, so I read that in between people walking by. Again, many people noticed the cross, but no conversations yet. I also challenged myself to spend 30 minutes passing out tracts in the mall, which I did. Please pray for those who received the gospel message in their hands this evening, that they respond in repentance and faith.
I have recently employed the idea of using a cross in my evangelism efforts (an idea used by other street evangelists such as Tony Miano (http://www.thelawmanchronicles.blogspot.com/) and Paul Latour (http://www.thewordstreetjournal.blogspot.com/). I adapted the idea a bit and asked Greg to make me a wooden cross that would fit next to me on a shopping mall bench. The cross has the words Are You Ready? written on it. I'm seeking to engage people in conversations about eternity with that question.
The picture below was actually taken a few weeks before Christmas when I tried this idea for the first time. Several people stopped to look at the words on the cross (often averting their eyes when they noticed me watching them). No conversations came out of that first night out, though. I did have one guy stop to take my picture (it was Greg--how embarrassing--yet comforting to have my husband take an interest in his wife's attempts at evangelism).
Tonight I hit the mall again with my cross. I challenged myself to sit on the bench for 30 minutes. I had a small pocket New Testament with me, so I read that in between people walking by. Again, many people noticed the cross, but no conversations yet. I also challenged myself to spend 30 minutes passing out tracts in the mall, which I did. Please pray for those who received the gospel message in their hands this evening, that they respond in repentance and faith.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Cookie Baking Night 1/4/10
Tonight was Cookie Baking Night. For those unfamiliar with these posts, Cookie Baking Night happens every other Monday with my nieces and nephews (6 nieces and nephews in Minnesota, a different number in attendance every time). We have supper together, make cookies, read a Bible story, play games, etc.
Tonight Ethan, Carissa, and Emily were in attendance. We had meatloaf for supper. We made one-eyed Susans for our cookies (peanut butter cookie with a Hershey kiss in the middle).
We played a few rousing games of Zingo (a Cookie Baking Night favorite).
And we read our Bible story, What Happened to Adam and Eve, from the book Leading Little Ones to God (I highly recommend this book), followed by Emily reading for us from Genesis 3:7-10. Some great discussion followed.
As usual, fun was had by all.
Tonight Ethan, Carissa, and Emily were in attendance. We had meatloaf for supper. We made one-eyed Susans for our cookies (peanut butter cookie with a Hershey kiss in the middle).
We played a few rousing games of Zingo (a Cookie Baking Night favorite).
And we read our Bible story, What Happened to Adam and Eve, from the book Leading Little Ones to God (I highly recommend this book), followed by Emily reading for us from Genesis 3:7-10. Some great discussion followed.
As usual, fun was had by all.
Friday, January 1, 2010
A New Year
I'm always reflective this time of year. This holiday (New Year's Day) fits well with my personality. I like definite beginnings and definite endings. I like starts and finishes, something measurable and tangible, and the new year provides that.
I am also reflective this time of year because it is the season in which God called me unto Him and regenerated me. When I first started this blog I shared my testimony as it is written in a gospel tract that I use in my evangelism efforts (it can be found under the archives--May posts--My testimony). Today I would like to share that testimony again, as I remember it when this time of year comes around.
We were fast approaching on the close of the year 2003 and the beginning of the year 2004. For most of the year of 2003 (if not longer), I was very depressed. I was profoundly sad and unhappy. I could function in the world but just barely. I made it to work (most days) and then back home again to my world of self-pity. I called myself a Christian, but I did not have the joy of the Lord in my life. I turned to many outside things for happiness, my main source being television and movies. I lived my life around TV. But, I was getting to the point where TV could no longer make me happy. I also relied heavily on my husband, Greg, for my happiness, and he wasn't cutting it either. We had some financial challenges during that time, and I was sure that Greg was the sole cause of those difficulties and all my unhappiness.
Right before Christmas that year, I told Greg I was going to leave him. I had a plan, and I gave him a time frame. It crushed him (and to my shame, I was hoping for that). He asked me to wait a month. I reluctantly agreed.
Since I had a month to kill before I could start being happy again, and I truly was a mess, I thought I would try a few self-help strategies, something to focus on in the meantime. I decided that my New Year's resolution for 2004 would be to stop watching TV that year. Considering the amount of time I spent watching TV daily, it was a drastic move on my part (even more than I could fathom). But once I commit to something, I commit. I was going to do this thing (ironic considering my mindset about my marriage at the time).
When January 1, 2004, arrived, I stopped watching TV. The first week, I survived quite nicely, I thought. It was a work week, so I hardly noticed not watching TV in the evenings. I was in the zone, so it didn't matter. However, I do remember, very clearly, that first Saturday without TV. I woke up at my usual time, went about my usual morning activities, ate breakfast. But, by 10:00, I was a mess. I didn't know what to do with myself without TV. I started crying hysterically. Greg did his best to console me, but by 11:00 we came to the conclusion that I should go back to bed. So, that's what I did. Though I did not have the language to put with the situation at the time, that was my first inkling that TV had become an idol in my life.
As the weeks passed without TV, God started to reveal my heart to me. I called myself a Christian, but I worshipped everything except God. When TV was removed from my life, I didn't fill that space with the worship of God, but I did seek to fill that space. I was still very depressed, and I begged God to give me joy. I demanded it.
One day, I was in the bathtub (I spent a lot of time in the bathtub during those days. It felt small and contained and in control, and I liked that) and I was crying (did a lot of that during that time as well). Again, I asked God to give me joy. And at that moment, God opened my eyes. I was suddenly aware that I was in no position to ask God for anything. I was an idolater and a liar and much more, but those two sins alone were enough to convict me and lay me out flat before God. I had never been more aware of my sins before a holy and righteous God than I was at that moment. With that realization came the reality of the cross. Suddenly I understood why Jesus died for me--because I am a sinner in need of a savior. Up until that time I truly believed that the prayer I repeated after the camp counselor when I was 11 years old had saved me. I thought that was how it worked--pray a prayer and then do your best to be a good person. That day in the bathtub I was very aware that I was not a good person. I cried out to God in true repentance for the first time in my life. That day, I stopped trusting in a prayer I said when I was 11 and put my trust in Christ alone for my salvation.
That began a season of repentance in my life. It was followed by weeks of crying and asking for forgiveness as God brought my offenses to mind. I now understand why the Bible uses the phrase "you must be born again". That is the only explanation for what took place in my life. God made me new. He took the old desires and gave me new ones. Things I couldn't make myself do weeks before (read my Bible, pray, love my husband) I suddenly wanted to do. I knew that was not of myself. I was new. I had been born again.
As I contemplate a new year to come and reflect on the 2003/2004 holidays, I thank God for saving me and making me a new creature in Christ.
I am also reflective this time of year because it is the season in which God called me unto Him and regenerated me. When I first started this blog I shared my testimony as it is written in a gospel tract that I use in my evangelism efforts (it can be found under the archives--May posts--My testimony). Today I would like to share that testimony again, as I remember it when this time of year comes around.
We were fast approaching on the close of the year 2003 and the beginning of the year 2004. For most of the year of 2003 (if not longer), I was very depressed. I was profoundly sad and unhappy. I could function in the world but just barely. I made it to work (most days) and then back home again to my world of self-pity. I called myself a Christian, but I did not have the joy of the Lord in my life. I turned to many outside things for happiness, my main source being television and movies. I lived my life around TV. But, I was getting to the point where TV could no longer make me happy. I also relied heavily on my husband, Greg, for my happiness, and he wasn't cutting it either. We had some financial challenges during that time, and I was sure that Greg was the sole cause of those difficulties and all my unhappiness.
Right before Christmas that year, I told Greg I was going to leave him. I had a plan, and I gave him a time frame. It crushed him (and to my shame, I was hoping for that). He asked me to wait a month. I reluctantly agreed.
Since I had a month to kill before I could start being happy again, and I truly was a mess, I thought I would try a few self-help strategies, something to focus on in the meantime. I decided that my New Year's resolution for 2004 would be to stop watching TV that year. Considering the amount of time I spent watching TV daily, it was a drastic move on my part (even more than I could fathom). But once I commit to something, I commit. I was going to do this thing (ironic considering my mindset about my marriage at the time).
When January 1, 2004, arrived, I stopped watching TV. The first week, I survived quite nicely, I thought. It was a work week, so I hardly noticed not watching TV in the evenings. I was in the zone, so it didn't matter. However, I do remember, very clearly, that first Saturday without TV. I woke up at my usual time, went about my usual morning activities, ate breakfast. But, by 10:00, I was a mess. I didn't know what to do with myself without TV. I started crying hysterically. Greg did his best to console me, but by 11:00 we came to the conclusion that I should go back to bed. So, that's what I did. Though I did not have the language to put with the situation at the time, that was my first inkling that TV had become an idol in my life.
As the weeks passed without TV, God started to reveal my heart to me. I called myself a Christian, but I worshipped everything except God. When TV was removed from my life, I didn't fill that space with the worship of God, but I did seek to fill that space. I was still very depressed, and I begged God to give me joy. I demanded it.
One day, I was in the bathtub (I spent a lot of time in the bathtub during those days. It felt small and contained and in control, and I liked that) and I was crying (did a lot of that during that time as well). Again, I asked God to give me joy. And at that moment, God opened my eyes. I was suddenly aware that I was in no position to ask God for anything. I was an idolater and a liar and much more, but those two sins alone were enough to convict me and lay me out flat before God. I had never been more aware of my sins before a holy and righteous God than I was at that moment. With that realization came the reality of the cross. Suddenly I understood why Jesus died for me--because I am a sinner in need of a savior. Up until that time I truly believed that the prayer I repeated after the camp counselor when I was 11 years old had saved me. I thought that was how it worked--pray a prayer and then do your best to be a good person. That day in the bathtub I was very aware that I was not a good person. I cried out to God in true repentance for the first time in my life. That day, I stopped trusting in a prayer I said when I was 11 and put my trust in Christ alone for my salvation.
That began a season of repentance in my life. It was followed by weeks of crying and asking for forgiveness as God brought my offenses to mind. I now understand why the Bible uses the phrase "you must be born again". That is the only explanation for what took place in my life. God made me new. He took the old desires and gave me new ones. Things I couldn't make myself do weeks before (read my Bible, pray, love my husband) I suddenly wanted to do. I knew that was not of myself. I was new. I had been born again.
As I contemplate a new year to come and reflect on the 2003/2004 holidays, I thank God for saving me and making me a new creature in Christ.
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