Today I had an appointment with Radiation Oncology for something called a "dry run". The mapping was done a week ago, which allowed them to figure out exactly where on my body the radiation needed to be targeted. Markings were made on my body and several x-rays and measurements were taken that day. Today's appointment was for adjustments to the process and the final okay from the doctor that we were set to proceed with radiation treatment next week.
This appointment was a bit awkward. The staff had a very precise job to do, and they were serious about it, which I respect, but they weren't very explanatory about it. I was asked not to move, which seemed to include talking or nodding my head. I was asked to hold my breath for 20-30 seconds at a time several times, but I wasn't sure why. I was in a very awkward position physically (undressed from the waist up with my arms above my head and holding onto a plastic bar). I felt exposed, vulnerable, and confused. Though I know it was not the intent of the staff helping me, I felt more like the object of a project than a real live person.
The appointment ended after about 30 minutes and I was given some vague instructions about what to expect when I returned for the first radiation treatment next week (where to change and where to wait, etc). I left that appointment feeling very emotional, and I was in tears. I was, however, relieved that I didn't actually experience radiation treatment today.
I decided to stop at WalMart on the way home. Why? I'm not sure. I didn't need anything. I just wandered around for a bit trying to clear my head.
When I stopped in an aisle to look at some clothes, I heard a man talking on the phone, loudly. It caught my attention and so did his voice. The man was several yards away from me, but I recognized him immediately. It was my brother. We haven't physically seen each other for a few months, so it took him a moment to figure out it was me since my physical appearance has changed a bit recently. We ended up standing in the far corner of the store, talking to each other, for quite some time. It was good to see him and very enjoyable to visit with him. God knew he was what I needed today.
Unfortunately, in my enjoyment of the conversation with my brother, I did not pay attention to some of the physical clues my body was giving me. I had been standing in one spot for quite some time and I started to feel lightheaded (an unfortunate side effect from chemo that still lingers). By the time I figured out what was happening and shortly after I uttered the words, "I need to sit down", it was too late. I fainted. In WalMart.
My brother quickly recognized what was happening and had moved behind me to lower me to the floor. I was unconscious for about 30 seconds. I awakened to my brother yelling, "We need a wheelchair over here". A customer in the store rolled up on an electric cart and left it for us. My brother helped me onto it. Shortly after that, a store manager arrived to help us and brought me a bottle of water. She was very kind. When my brother explained my situation, the manager got teary eyed and explained that her mother had gone through chemo. She was very tender and very sweet. She hugged me. She offered to call an ambulance but I declined it since I was feeling much better. My brother called his wife who came and picked me up. She drove me home, and my brother drove my car home, for which I was very grateful.
I don't believe for a minute that anything that transpired today was an accident. I'm grateful God has all circumstances under his control and in His powerful hand and that He can be trusted.
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