Until I experienced chemo for myself, I thought that the side effects were all the same, and I thought that everyone's experience was generally the same. Chemo for me was this nebulous word that we all think we know upon hearing it but really lack a definition for it. I didn't realize that there are several different types of chemo drugs, and the reactions and side effects will differ depending on the drug you receive. The side effects I hear most about from chemo patients are nausea, vomiting, and extreme fatigue. To date, those are not the side effects I've experienced with this first round of chemo drugs. I haven't experienced much nausea, and I've had a surprising amount of energy (though I certainly get tired quicker in the evenings than I used to). I have had a pretty severe loss of appetite, and that has been challenging. The other surprise with chemo side effects is that what you experience this week may not be what you experience next week even though the drug is the same. This time around (third course of every-two week chemo) I started getting extreme tenderness and soreness on the bottom of my feet. It was so severe that it made walking very difficult for me. I worked from home for a few days to avoid walking as much as I could. On the weekend, I crawled around the house so that my feet would not touch the floor because that lessened the pain. Of the side effects I imagined would be part of chemo treatment, the inability to walk did not even make the list.
As new side effects pop up, I fight the urge to be fearful of what could come next. I fight the urge to be afraid to eat because the experience is so unpleasant. I am constantly counseling my head with the Word of God and practicing the command to "Fear Not". Here are some of the verses I use to do just that.
Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Psalm 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?"
Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."
I am grateful God is with me every step of the way on this journey and I do not need to be afraid (not even of chemo side effects).
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