When I had my first appointment with the oncologist, she was completely up front with me about the fact that I was going to lose my hair during the chemo process. She said there are measures that could be taken (cold capping), but even with those measures women who are given the particular drug I'll be receiving still lose their hair. I appreciated her candor because it allowed me to accept that reality quickly. Most of my life, I've had collar or shoulder length hair, and I've been perfectly happy with that. But, there is a difference between making the decision on how long your hair is for yourself and having it made for you. In a last ditch effort to pretend I had some control over the circumstances, I decided that tonight I would get my hair (which had grown longer in recent years and now was a few inches past my shoulders) cut into a shorter style. This was without a doubt a decision that was made with my emotions and not my head.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I put myself on a waiting list and pulled into a local "cut and go" type salon. When I checked in, I realized I had not put myself on the waiting list for this particular location but for one across town. Even so, the receptionist said "Katie" could cut my hair as soon as she wrapped up with her current customer. I still had time to back out, but I forged ahead emotions blazing. When Katie came to take me back to her chair, she was sporting a crew-cut type hair style and had an emotionless look on her face. I still forged ahead. I explained to Katie that I wanted to get my hair cut into a shoulder-length bob hairstyle and I explained to her my reasoning for doing it, cancer and all. Katie's face was deadpan. She proceeded to cut my hair. And I quickly realized that neither Katie nor I had the emotional maturity to suggest that we start the cut with half of what I asked to be cut off and then take it up from there if I decided to do so. Quickly, I found myself staring at my image in the mirror with 7 inches of hair missing from one side of my head. Panic and regret immediately set in. Katie looked at me in that moment and I vocalized that the change was more shocking than I expected. That is when I saw Katie's face soften and she gently said to me, "Would you like me to save some of this hair for you and put it in a bag?" I shook my head yes, and she went about discretely looking for something to put the hair into for me.
Though I made a completely irrational and emotional decision tonight, God redeemed the situation in my short interaction with Katie. Her compassion for me in a moment that neither one of us wanted to experience overwhelmed me and comforted me. May God bless Katie for the kindness she showed.
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