Caregiving-Washing Feet (10/26/2017)

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. During supper, when the devil had already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments, and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, do you wash my feet?” Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.” Peter said to him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no share with me.” Simon Peter said to him, “Lord, not my feet only but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “The one who has bathed does not need to wash, except for his feet, but is completely clean. And you are clean, but not every one of you.” For he knew who was to betray him; that was why he said, “Not all of you are clean.” When he had washed their feet and put on his outer garments and resumed his place, he said to them, “Do you understand what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. John 13:1-17

In the wee hours of the morning, when I'm alone in the dark with only a nightlight to illuminate the room.  As I'm getting my mom cleaned up from the night, and I sit down on the floor and begin to wash her legs and feet, I think of these verses. And I feel privileged to share in it.

Caregiving-Cheap Entertainment (10/24/2017)

My mom loves audiobooks. We have a bunch of books downloaded to her smart phone, and she listens to them all night long. She can and has listened to the same book over and over again. Her current favorite series is the "Love Comes Softly" series by Janette Oke. It turns out that only 4 of  the 8-book series has been recorded. If the recordings were out there for the other books, my Papa-Larry would have found them by now. He's a relentless resource finder. He leaves no stone unturned. He eventually settled on buying the complete series in paperback form. There has been some thought given to me recording them myself, but the time has not yet been given to that project. For now, I lay on the floor by her bed at night and read a few chapters to her. It was intimidating at first because she is very picky about the narrators she listens to. If she doesn't like the voice, they're done by chapter 2, never to be heard from again. I guess I must have made the cut because she wants me to keep reading. It's a sweet time, really. Elaborate outings of entertainment have been replaced with quiet bedside reading, and I wouldn't have it any other way. I keep reminding myself to "cherish this time while you have it."

Caregiving-Advice From Older Women (Revive 17) 10/09/17

Last weekend, my friend Kim and I were able to get away for a weekend retreat to Indianapolis. We attended the Revive Our Hearts Conference for women in leadership. It's called Revive 17. The theme this year was mentoring.

There were 2,900 women in attendance, a great mix of older and younger women. God allowed me to have two encounters with older women that spoke to me right where I was at the time.

Encounter 1:

The same two women sat next to us through the whole conference. They sought us out on the second day because "they liked our Minnesota accents". We never knew their names. They were friendly yet guarded. At the end of one of the teaching sessions, we were given time to pray with those around us, and we did so. The lady sitting closest to me intensely started telling Kim and I that we should cherish the relationships with our mothers right now. Her mother was gone now. She died with Alzheimer's disease as part of her story. In the end, she did not remember her daughter or know who she was.

She said, "You don't know how long your mothers will be around. Spend time with them now. Forget the past. Enjoy them now. Talk to them." She kept repeating her advice with urgency. I am particularly tender to this kind of advice at the moment, so tears streamed down my face the entire time she spoke. I kept saying "Thank you. We will. Thank you."

I appreciate advice given to me out of the experience of others. It's raw and pure and meaningful. I also realize that nothing happens without the ordering of God. God speaks to us in His Word, He speaks to us in the beauty of the creation that He made, and at times He reaches down and speaks to us directly through the words and experiences of those around us.


Encounter 2:

I was in the bookstore looking at the Bibles. I have a project I'm working on right now and was looking for another journaling Bible. The woman next to me was also looking at the Bibles. We shared a few words about why we were each looking at the Bibles. She had her eye on a large print Bible. It was a nice one. I encouraged her to buy it. We were separated for a time, each looking at products and moving around the room. We found each other again right before we were about to make our purchases. I said, "I see you decided to get the Bible. I'm glad." Then she said words I will always remember:

She said, "Yes. It will probably be the last Bible I ever buy."

I was not expecting those words. It was clear by her reaction that my shock at hearing those words showed on my face.

She said, "It's okay. I just turned 70 years old. I don't think I'll buy another Bible in my lifetime. Then she held my hand in hers and said, "You remember this some day. Remember the woman in the bookstore who isn't afraid to die. Look back and remember this time. You'll be in this spot someday."

I said, "I will. And please write something in that Bible that will mean something to your children, words specifically from you." This referenced a conversation we had earlier about the reason I was making my Bible purchase. She said, "I will."

It was a sweet moment and a short beautiful conversation. I will always remember it.

Caregiving-The Worker Bee (10/18/2017)

My Mama is a hard worker and always has been. Now that she's less mobile in life we've had to redefine "how" she works. Most of her work is done from a chair now, but it's just as significant. She's a big help to us around the house. And she is by far the most cheerful worker in the household. 

Here are some of the activities that fill her days

Picking vegetables in the garden 

Cleaning vegetables 

Buttering bread

Making smoothie bags

Washing the table

Loading the dishwasher

Organizing the containers and lids

Caregiving-This is the day (10/17/2017)

This morning started out with the usual routine, I helped Mama out of bed. We used an assistive device to move her about the room. I helped her clean up and change her clothing.

In the middle of all that, she continually raised her hands and said, "This is the day the LORD has made. Let's rejoice and be glad in it." (from Psalm 118)

After that encounter it's hard to move freely as you please through the rest of your day (on your own two feet) without having a heart of gratitude.

Cookie Baking Night (10/23/17)

Tonight was Cookie Baking Night. In attendance this evening: Emily, Allison, Rylar, and Enzo. Tonight we made our traditional fall favorite: Pumpkin Patch Brownies.

First, we had to make the frosting (Aunt Katrina pre-baked the brownies, so that was done for us)

Next, we frosted the brownies

Then we put the candy pumpkins on top.

Next, our favorite part, putting on the "vines"

The finished products

Tonight, we continued in our book "Leading Little Ones to God". We read lesson 2 "We Cannot See God". We learned that God is spirit, and He is Holy. Emily read Psalm 104: 1-13 for us. 

We ended the evening with a lovely game of Zingo.

Really, it was lovely (and fun). There were happy moments (though you can't quite tell it in the picture above)

While I was helping the boys get into their pajamas, my cell phone was hijacked by the girls

They had a few "selfie" moments

As usual, a fun time was had by all.

Caregiving-An Unexpected Start (10/16/2017)

Today started out like a typical Monday morning. I got up, got dressed, checked on the parents, drove to work. I commute 25 miles to work each day, which takes 45-60 min with traffic. I was 1 mile from reaching my destination when my phone rang. It was my Dad-Larry. He asked how far along I was in the journey. Because of his hearing impairment, he rarely calls me, so I knew this was not just for the sake of a friendly chat. He then told me that when he was trying to get Mama cleaned up this morning, she slipped out of bed. She isn't strong enough to raise herself up from an kneeling position, and he didn't think he could do it without hurting her or himself. I told him I would turn around. When I arrived back at home, Papa-Larry and I worked to get Mama repositioned and back up to a sitting position. My dad was flustered and my mom was worn out. I decided to stay home and take care of my family today.

We were suspicious the previous Monday that my Mama had a bladder infection, but when we took her in for the test, the results came back negative. No infection. It was clear now that she had an infection, and we needed to do what we could to convince the medical clinic of that. I worked with the nurse at the urologist's office to get another test done. She agreed that she must have an infection, so she was started on an antibiotic until the results came back. We drove to the clinic and got the lab test performed. It did come back later as an infection, and a new medication was started. 

If my memory serves me correctly, this is infection number 18 in the past two years. Each one is different, and each one teaches us about the conditions of our own hearts, the power of love to motivate us beyond what we previously thought ourselves to be capable of, and the faithfulness of God. 

The Slow Decline (10/12/2017)

I've been thinking tonight about how gracious God is, and how tender he has been in the decline of my mom's health. Her body started getting old far sooner than she was ready. It has been at least 10 years now since her body started failing her. She took each change in stride. She started to use a cane to help her walk. Then she started using a walker. Then she stopped driving, voluntarily. This was a huge step. She was always independent and fearless about driving. She would go anywhere. But the day came when she realized she didn't have enough feeling in her feet to drive safely. She didn't want to be a hazard to others on the road, so she just stopped. She let it go. She was brave. She didn't make a big deal about it, even though it was a really big deal. She never looked back. She has handled each change in her health in this same way. She has taken it as it has come, made adjustments, and trusted God with it. 

Caregiving-Isn't There Something They Can Do? (10/12/2017)

My mom has experienced chronic urinary tract infections for the past two years. At last count, there have been18 infections, three of them landing her in the hospital, two them landing her in a short-term care facility for 5 weeks or longer.

We've been given every piece of advice you can think of concerning bladder infections in the elderly. And we've tried most of it, at least once. Advice comes from doctors, nurses, physical therapists, coworkers, family, friends, strangers. Yet, we continue on this journey.

Every time we take her in for another infection, this phrase echoes from those around us "Isn't there something they can do about this?" Sometimes the question comes out of concern for my mom and what she goes through. Sometimes the question comes out of inconvenience being caused to the other person. Sometimes the question comes out of concern for her caregivers. Sometimes the question comes out of disappointment over interrupted plans. Always, the question makes the caregivers feel like they are not doing enough.

Some things in life don't have definitive answers (not to us anyway--God knows the answers and He can be trusted). Some things in life are part of a natural process (in this case, aging). That can be hard to accept in this modern era of instant everything. We don't even ponder questions any longer. If an answer has not been blurted out in less than a minute, then we all reach for some type of electronic device that we can query for a quick answer.

I suggest to you that we might be asking the wrong question. Instead of "Isn't there anything they can do about this?" practical and loving questions would be "What can I do for you and your family that would provide some comfort? What would relieve you in this situation? How can I pray for you?" These questions (followed by action) will relieve the caregivers and the one in pain. These are answerable questions for us.

Caregiving-Calm for the Troubled Soul (10/11/2017)

This has been a hard week for me in terms of caregiving. Mama has been ill. Her memory has been poor. We thought she had another UTI, but she didn't. This got me to thinking such thoughts as "What if her mind is failing? What is the future going to hold? How do I make the right decisions to help her and to help my dad?" It feels too big for me, too many unanswered questions. I feel like I don't have enough resources. I don't know the answers.

I've been reading in Matthew this week, and this morning I came to this passage about Jesus in Matthew 8.

23 And when he got into the boat, his disciples followed him. 24 And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being swamped by the waves; but he was asleep. 25 And they went and woke him, saying, “Save us, Lord; we are perishing.” 26 And he said to them, “Why are you afraid, O you of little faith?” Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm. 27 And the men marveled, saying, “What sort of man is this, that even winds and sea obey him?” Matthew 8:23-27


Even the winds and waves obey Him. I said to myself. He knows everything. He made everything. O you of little faith, what is there to fear? And with that, there was a great calm in the storm of my troubled soul. 

Cookie Baking Night 10/09/17

Tonight was Cookie Baking Night. In attendance this evening: Allison, Rylar, and Enzo. Tonight we decorated sugar cookies in the shape of fall leaves. Clara made the cookies for us on Saturday. Tonight, we made the frosting, colored it, and frosted the cookies.

Clara's cookie adventure from the weekend. 

Side note: My mom, Clara, has a lot of physical difficulties these days. Walking is particularly challenging for her. But she has always been a hard worker, so we give her all the jobs that can be done with one's hands, and she loves it. There is no stage in life that God cannot use you. 

Fast forward to tonight and enter the cookie decorators. 

First, we spent a little time admiring the beautiful maple tree in the front yard. It is in full color right now. 

Then, we tried on the aprons Aunt Katrina bought for us that are just our size complete with pictures of Mickey Mouse, Cars, and Frozen characters. 

Next, we made the frosting for our cookies and colored it with fall colors. 

Now, it's time to decorate. 

Beautiful!

Tonight, for Bible time, we returned to our old favorite, Leading Little Ones to God, by Marian Schoolland. I've yet to find a book that does a better job teaching the whole of Scripture on a child's level without dumbing it down. Tonight we started over with lesson 1 titled "Our Hearts Ask for God". We also read Psalm 105:1-4 together: 

Oh, give thanks to the LORD; call upon his name;

make known his deeds among the peoples!

Sing to him, sing praises to him;

tell of all his woundrous works!

Glory in his holy name

let the heart of those who seek the LORD rejoice!

Seek the LORD and his strength;

seek his presence continually!

We finished the evening with a rolicking game of Mickey Mouse Uno. 

As usual, a fun time was had by all!