Cancer Musings (Swollen Legs & Tears)

I had a Physical Therapy appointment two weeks ago, and I'm finally able to talk about it. Ever since being on Taxol (which ended May 1), my legs have been quite swollen. The oncologist put me on a medication for it, but it was ineffective and brought its own side effects with it, so we discontinued it. I asked for a referral to Physical Therapy instead. I walked out of the physical therapist's office in tears. I wasn't upset by anything the physical therapist said or did, but I was overwhelmed by the magnitude of the treatment course. 

The "prescription" for the swollen legs was to engage in a process called "edema wrapping". This involves wrapping my legs from foot to knee in multiple layers of compression wraps (stretchy Ace bandages) every day and leave them on for 23 hours a day. I get one hour off for good behavior (and to take a shower). The physical therapist trained me how to do this rather technical process myself, so I wouldn't have to go to the office for an appointment to have it done every week. It takes at least 30 minutes to perform this task every day. If I follow the prescribed advice from my oncologist to apply a heavy-duty therapeutic lotion to my feet everyday (to avoid a side effect to my feet caused by the current chemo drug I'm taking) then I end up wrapping my legs twice a day. This news was enough to make a grown woman cry (and it did). The time consuming nature of cancer treatment (and all the side effects that accompany it) is overwhelming to the say the least. 

The idea behind this treatment is to reduce the swelling in my legs enough to reward me by ordering me a specialized (and spendy) pair of compression stockings that I can wear everyday instead of the bandages. 

Once I stopped crying, I determined in my heart to be a big girl about it and perform the treatment as prescribed. That appointment was two weeks ago, and the good news is that the swelling is reducing in my legs. I still have another week or more to go in the treatment, and by the grace of God my technique is improving and I'm shaving a few minutes off of the process each time. God is good, and He is faithful. He's been with me every step of this journey, even in the tears. Especially in the tears. 

Cancer Musings (The New Drug)

Last week I started the new chemo drug. We'll call it drug X. This drug is being used as a maintenance therapy. Triple Negative Breast Cancer is somewhat rare (10-15% of all breast cancers diagnosed are triple negative/non-estrogen dependent). It is aggressive (it grows fast). And it has a high return rate within 5 years. The lower the stage the better the chance of it not returning sooner. Mine was stage 1. 

There has been success in recent studies for women who have done this maintenance drug after traditional chemo, surgery, and radiation. A high percentage of them are still alive after 5 years. Encouraging and sobering at the same time. But, really, nothing has changed. My days have always been numbered. God has known the exact number of my days on this earth before I was even born. I will get no more than that and no less. And within that prescribed number of days is a story. I'm living out that story right now. Cancer is part of mine. It is one of the things God will use to bring Himself glory and allow me to see His goodness in all things. 

The way this chemo pill works is that I take it two times a day (3 pills/2x a day) for a cycle and then return to see the oncologist to check in and have labs drawn and get the okay to start another cycle. A "cycle" is 21 days. Within that 21 days, I take this chemo pill twice a day for 14 days and then I stop taking it for 7 days. Today is day 8 in the first cycle, and so far so good. It's not without its side effects (nausea and general chemo weirdness for lack of a better explanation), but it is tolerable so far. The goal with this treatment is to complete 8 cycles (about 6 months) if I tolerate it. 

And onward we go. 

Cancer Musings (Birthday)

Today is my birthday. I turned 55 years old today. I'm grateful for another year and the opportunity to glorify God on this earth. I've felt every moment of this year, and it's made me appreciate things more. 

No big outward celebration this year, but it was very celebratory nonetheless. I spent the day at work and enjoyed several coworkers stopping by to enjoy a birthday cookie with me. My coworkers have been so kind to me throughout this year, and God has used them to encourage me and keep me going throughout the whole year. 

For dinner this evening, Greg (and Papa-Larry) took me out to a restaurant. They were a bit surprised by my choice. Buffalo Wild Wings. I wasn't looking for expensive and I wasn't looking for fancy, but I was looking for chocolate cake. It is a little known fact (until today) that one of the best pieces of chocolate cake you'll find in a restaurant is at Buffalo Wild Wings. True story. Usually, Greg and I split a piece, but since today we were splitting it amongst three people, I ordered two pieces (happy birthday to me). Through most of this past year, I didn't eat chocolate because I couldn't stand the taste of it (an experience that had been completely foreign to me up to this point in life). The joy of tasting chocolate has returned for the moment, and I knew just where and how to celebrate that little victory. I had my piece of chocolate cake, and it did not disappoint. 

 I will be starting the new chemo drug (an oral pill) next week. My only request concerning this next treatment was to start it after September 4. I have felt physically well this past month, and I wanted to enjoy that feeling (and be able to taste cake) on my birthday. God allowed me that joy. He is so good, and He is in this story.